It was a long day so...

I am not going to take the straws out of the lids of the sippy cups before I throw them in the dishwasher.

I am not separating the whites from the colors and the darks. C'mon now, why can't they all just get washed together?

I am NOT cutting the crusts of your sandwiches. No one makes ME a damn sandwich. Eat what's made for you tomorrow. No shapes either. Know that I love you from my daily actions, hugs, kisses, activities together, not whether I cut your damn sandwiches into hearts or crowns or "H" shapes!

You are not getting whole chips, just crumbles.

You are getting water. Plain old water. In a bottle. Not a pink one. Call me Mommie Dearest.

Tomorrow I will clean this house, make your beds with clean sheets.

Clean your clothes, and hang them up in your closet. Pair your socks.

The things we do for you. Name them, mommies. The things that are just done. No one seems to know how they get done, but if they are not it would all fall apart.

Good night mommies, and all others who do those little things to make someone elses life a litttle easier. We don't really do it for thanks or applause or appreciatation. We do it out of love.

Shit. I can't leave the crusts on. It's so much prettier with it in a heart shape. And a truck for Spencer. :-)

Schedules, dammit.

Is it just me?

Harper and I are touring an elementary school tomorrow, and I want her to be well rested. Jeff took her to run "a few errands" and they left at 4pm. He got her home for supper at 7:15.(She usually eats at 6)

Her bedtime is 8pm on school nights, and although Mondays are usually our slow mornings, we have to be there tomorrow at 9:30.

Now I know 9:30 doesn't seem that early, and I know it's REALLY late considering how early I will have to have her at school in the fall, but I'm not in that phase yet, so don't judge me or tell me I "have a rude awakening when she gets to kindergarten".

I drop my kids off to their preschools at 9am. I usually look like a mess, but they are dressed and lookin' cute, then I go back home and get myself ready for the day.

Tomorrow I have to get Harper and Spence up, fed, dressed, and myself up, fed, and dressed, and Jeff, my 3rd child, up and fed. And I have to do it by 8:45. I want to give myself extra wiggle room for potty emergencies, not knowing where to park..etc

I think(KNOW) men don't think about schedules when it comes to kids and things like this. I am sort of convinced, however, that it helps to keep kids comfortable. Not eating dinner 5 minutes before bedtime, eating at the same time everyday seems to eliminate tantrums night waking, wetting the bed...etc etc.

When it comes to parenting:

I am a "plan ahead" kinda person. Jeff's not. WAY not.

I'm a "think things through" kinda person. Jeff's not.

I learn from my mistakes. Jeff is suprised every time the kids cry and writhe and scream at bathtime when it gets pushed back 30 minutes. I'm not, and I will fucking tell him so and we will yell over the kids writhing and screaming and crying and it escalates, and we are all tired and screaming and then expect the kids to just magically go straight to bed after all of that crying and screaming and writhing and arguing.....

Parenthood is hard. Being married to a man is hard when you are trying to be a mother. Men just aren't wired the same way we are, tno matter how hard we try to change that, it only frustrates us more. My particular frustration today is schedule.

I am nervous about tommorow, and it is coming out sideways. Does that make sense? That phrase may be of my own creation, "comes out sideways". What I mean is, I feel one way, but act another. Anger comes out as nitpicking, frustration comes out like anger. I am worried about tomorrow, but instead of just calmly saying that,(HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) I yell at Jeff about something else. The dishes, kid's bedtimes, how he cleans up the pee pee Spency made on the kitchen floor with a dishcloth...you know, important shit here, folks. (The dishcloth was from Williams Sonoma, in my defense)(Use a fucking paper towel and some spray cleaner!)(It's URINE)

It's SO not important, but when I am nervous or anxious about something, EVERYTHING seems HUGE. Little shit that doesn't matter, and won't matter, and I even KNOW it doesn't or won't matter, MATTERS when I am tired, or anxious, or worried about something in the future.

I best stay right here, and chillax. I married a good man who forgives me when I wig out over dumb shit that doesn't matter.

LIke planning ahead, and leaving with plenty of time for emergencies when you have kids.

Who knows, maybe the husbands have a good bead on things, just go with the flow.

What the FUCK am I talking about?

It's wine time.

this is going to be fun

Yep, 6 cubic feet of garden soil was dumped in the back today to fill our flower beds. Sandy loam, volcanic something or another, and manure. Yes, doo doo.
I'm out of here with Harper to go paint some art, so Jeff's on his own with this AND Spencer. I will get a report later.
Does anyone have any Lysol? Purell? I don't think I have enough for the probable mess it will cause.

Wow

Those Diaper Dekor bags are fucking LONG.~Spencer

Random something I don't wanna forget.

jelly /jel·ly/ (jel´e) a soft substance that is coherent, tremulous, and more or less translucent; generally, a colloidal semisolid mass.

"You are just so tremulous, argh" (Insert eyeroll)

"What a colloidal semisolid mess you are, DAMN!"

"Well, I would describe that as more or less translucent, don'tcha think?" (This is would say when I don't know what to say.)

"Well Golly GEE Boo Boo"

Another Epic Spencer day

Cute little booger
Things that used to be frustrating and maddening, are now fodder for my blog. Nice.

Deep breath in.....long cleansing breath out... fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Spencer wakes up. I am in the shower so Jeff puts him in our bed with a bottle(after we discussed last night, that since he's 2 now, morning bottles aren't necessary, and are keep him from eating his breakfast)

Jeff gets on the computer.

A few minutes later, I get out of the shower, and smell the pungent stench of death. Yes. Poop. Doo Doo. BLOWOUT. In our marital bed. Hey, At least it's on his side.

Throw sheets in wash(while nude, boobies flopping, wet out of the shower, and I am yelling at Jeff to help, but he is somehow deaf now)( I realize now he is outside and feeding Suki, so I decide not to kill him)

Get Spency cleaned up and myself dressed, and hair dried. Get Spency changed into clothes for the day.

Start breakfast : Eggs, English Muffins with cream cheese and jam, and some strawberries.

Realize I fucking loaded the dishwasher, but forgot to run it. Damn. Leave the dishes in the sink(I hate that, can easily ruin my day)<-----I know I know.

Harper gets up now. I have breakfast in the table and Cran Apple in her favorite glass, and Spency is eating eggs with his hands despite the fork he has and the knowledge of how to use it. I go to make my juice: Fennel, Celery Root, Beet, Lemon, Green apple.

Harper needs a fork.
Spencer drops his juice
Harper doesn't like the English muffin so wants cereal instead
I ignore her request and go get her clothes ready.( she's in her pajamas)
Jeff is in the shower now.

Fast forward to getting them to the car.

Harper is picking those yellow flower looking weeds for me on the way to the car and trying to hand them to me, but I am holding Spencer's basket, my purse, my water, Harper's backpack, so I ask her to hold on to them until we get to the car.

We get in the car, and brrrrrrrap. Poop again. Damn he has terrific timing. I decide he will wear that until we get Harper to St Stephens and change him there. It's only 6 minutes away, don't call CPS.

So we drop Harper, Change the dookie diaper, and go get some plants for the front of the Cleaners.

Lowes is a fun place for a 2 year old boy, but I really wanted to get in and out. Damn those fucking John Deere ride on mowers out front. All lined up, with their sippy cup holders. Spencer gets on, and I thought at one point, "I could seriously go in, get what I need, leave him here to climb on the "trucks" and come out and get him, and he'd never even know I was gone"

Don't worry I didn't. But I thought about it. Contemplating brief abandonment in a parking lot, I was.

So I pried him from the John Deers and his happiness, and we went inside, screaming and crying like I kicked his puppy. I put him in the seat part of the cart, and the plants went in the basket. I found a really cute hanging plant of these grape like succulents, and hung it from the side, I also got a bag of potting soil, because Jeff didn't think he had enough for these large new pots.

When I get up to the checker, this man comes up to me and says, "Are these yours?" My credit cards, Zoo Pass, Museum Pass, Driver's license, Lowe's card, Debit card had all been left in a trail, much like the one in Hansel and Gretel, from the succulent section to the front register. "Thank You so much sir! SPENCER, you rascal!" He was still holding my wallet which he had stealthily removed from my wallet, sneaky little booger.

He fell asleep in the car while I planted the pots, and woke up just as I was finishing. Yes I left him in the car, we were right there, I was right in front of my car, which had the windows open. Ga! Another opportunity for you to call CPS on me. You bitches.

So I didn't have to pick up Harper until 2:30, so we went to the Gap. I needed a few shirts, and Spencer's jeans are way dorked out and flooding. He seemed to be acting alright, just perusing the finery, checking himself out dancing to Human League in the big mirror, trying on platform sandals. Nothing major.

I get what I need and went to pay, and "BOOM CRASH SMASH." I walked over there and he is quietly, and with great focus, putting on a pair of shoes off the mannequin who is lying headless, neck down with an arm detached a neon pink cardigan sleeve holding the detached. Luckily the sales people where cool ,and said, "You killed her! and took her SHOES"

Spencer simply said "Like Shoes"

Gimme a break Angelina!

With that damn sexy smolder and "the leg", and the lips, ARGH, I am so sick of her skinny ass. Just go screw that hot husband of yours, adopt more babies and get fat. Just stop making us all look at your sultry, "everyman's fantasy" self. Save the world and wear all black and be all statuesque, but do it somehwere else. OH and now her "leg has gone viral" I'm just so over her. We know your sexy, we get it. Just be an over the top hot mom of 7 in private, okay? Stop showing off. Bitch.

End rant.

Today, while I was grillin' dinner, Spencer and Harper were riding around the backyard in the "Arctic Cat" a power wheels Jeep with an arctic spelunker theme. It has a shovel that hooks onto the front in case you get stuck in a cave or something and have to dig your ass out.

Anyway, I see them stopping, Harper bossing Spency to get our, use the shovel to pick something up and put it in the back and get back in. They repeat this a few times, and I get the instinct to walk out there to see what they are putting in the back.

Dog shit. Land mines. Petrified poop.

Suki is an 120 pound Akita, so her poo is about the same size as mine. Gross. I tell them to stop, and poop shouldn't go in the Jeep, yuck, get it out of there, so what do you think Spencer does?

Yes. Yes he did. Bare handed picks up the dookie and chucks it in the yard.

NONONONONONONONONONO!!!!

****************************************************************************************

I wore my turquoise jeans for the 3rd day in a row today. I picked them up off the floor where I left them last night when I put on my sweats, and wore them again. I knew with my schedule, that I surely wouldn't see the same people I saw yesterday or the day before.

Just museum school and then the museum, then home. Sounds safe, right? Nope. I had to stop at the store, and ran into someone I saw yesterday at the Food Truck Park. Damn. I tried to hide, but then I thought she wouldn't notice since I had on a different tshirt.

"Oh My God, I meant to tell you yesterday when I saw you those jeans rock, and I wanted to ask you where you got them!"

"Target."

Busted.