Harper is 2 months and 2 weeks old.
Harper's mom has got it goin' on.
But not today. Fuck Easter.
I am soooo sleep deprived and decided to stay home from Jeff's uncle's today.
Yesterday for some reason Harper slept for hours on end during the day. We took her up to Colonial(country club) to do the whole Easter Egg hunt thing in the morning.
Even though she's too little for that. Everyone oooh'd and aah'd over her, and that is the real reason for going up there, right? Get baby all dressed up so everyone can see her, eat a cookie, and then leave.
It took 2 hours for me to get Harper ready and then myself ready to go up there for 25 minutes. It's exhausting! But it must be done...right? wrong!
That's why we are staying home today. Jeff went over to his uncle's by himself.
Harper has NOT taken a solid nap today, and we were supposed to be over there for lunch around 1pm.
Last year, 4th of July, I pulled the same thing. I was too tired to go over there.
So why do I feel so guilty for not going this time? I really am tired. I am exhausted and delirious from the sleep deprivation.
Jeff told me to go lay down while he watched the baby earlier, and I did.
But 5 minutes later when I was just about to nod off, she started crying and he came in the bedroom..."Do you think she's hungry?"
ARGH! " Let's see..."gave her boobie, she pushed it away..."Nope, go away, she's fine, she may need to be changed"
2 minutes later....crying again...."Honey...I'm sorry, but I changed her, and she's still crying, now what?"
"well..." I whip boobie out again..She nurses for about 3 minutes then pushes it away...fuss fuss...
"JEFF!!!"
he is outside now, watering the plants... I stomp out there,
" Jeff, I really need a nap, can you please take her?"
Jeff says, "Okay,hang on, let me turn the water off"
5 minutes later he comes in, he's on his cellphone with his friend Mike.
"I gotta go, Amy needs me"
"NO! Harper needs you...I need a nap. I thought you told me to take a nap and that you would watch her?!!!"
So at this point I look down at Harper, who is asleep...I put her in her crib and i go into the bedroom to lay back down.
Jeff then asks me,"Should we start getting ready to go over to Rob's?(his uncle)"
He is serious.
So he went over ther alone. I hope he explains that I have gotten NO sleep, and Harper needed a nap. But I don't really care, at this point, whether they understand or not.
Fuck Easter. Sorry. If it were Christmas I might have sucked it up.
Jeff is usually pretty helpful, but it gets annoying when he ASKS me how he can help, instead of just helping. I know he wan't born with maternal insticts...but...I wish he would have been born with maternal instincts....
I also wish I would win the lottery.
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Harper's mom has got it goin' on
and baby thinks I'm funny!
I wish I had a video camera mounted in Harper's room to see the crazy antics we do to get her to laugh.
I stuck a baby carrot in my nose this morning and she thought that was super funny.
She didn't laugh, but smiled her precious toofless grin "Mnyah"
it's cold outside so the park is out. It also looks like it might rain. I never know what to do on days like this. I take her from one room to the next. In the swing, in the bouncy chair, change diaper, change clothes, feed her,burp her, swing, crib, bouncy chair, baby einstein video....aaaah
so now she's in the bouncy chair, and I am writing on here. Hey, How's it going? Good...yeah...me too.
There are so many books on feeding, on sleeping, on development, but I have yet to find one that tells you what to do in between.
My friend Emma says,"you don't really need to entertain them...they are content to just sit there and stare into space"
I think she has to be constantly stimulated when she's not at the breast, sleeping, or being changed. Eat sleep poop...then what? That can't be all!!I feel like I have to talk to her, make up shit to say,give her something to look at that will improve her intelligence somehow.
gotta go, it's tummy time. Then she has a date with her Bumbo chair, then a nap, then boobie, then aquarium talk(where I tell her what all the fish are in our tank) then Baby Bach....then bundled in the stroller for a walk where we discuss the gardens in the neighborhood, and dog breeds...
Harper's mom has got it....oh forget it...
This is what Harper is up to, at 11 weeks!
Lifting her head about 45 degrees when I put her on her tummy, it looks very difficult, but she makes great effort..I try to help her by supporting her chest a little, but she's mostly doing it on her own. Every day a little higher, and using her hands more to push. She cries when she is done.
When I hold her with her head on my shoulder she "bucks" her head, slamming it into my collarbone. That's gotta hurt.
Blowing spit bubbles...sometimes she looks positively rabid.
able to do "thumbs up" briefly. I am trying to teach her how to put her thumb in her mouth. She seems like she wants to. She has super long thumbs.
gazing into my eyes while breastfeeding and sometimes smiling, letting milk come out of her mouth a little(I LOVE THAT ONE!)
smiling when I smile at her, or say her name.
saying AHH and making faces like "ooooooh"
Trying to imitate the faces I make.
Crying a fake cry("Eh Eh Eh"), then when I come in her room, she is smiling at me. She has mad dramatic skillz, I don't know WHERE she got THOSE.
Kicking her legs when she is exited, like she is running very fast, but her face stays serious. Diaper changing time is apparently very exiting .
Beating up on her mouse and rabbit.(stuffed rattles that hang off her mat) Boy, she really gives it to them.
We went over to the neighbor's down the street, and she played with Allie, who was born Feb. 1..she is her BFF. They laid on the activity mat and stared at each other. It was cool. Harper looks really tan compared to Allie, who has no hair, but is super duper cute and very expressive.
Pooping up her back. Today she pooped all the way up to her shoulder blades. I failed to realize this until I had re-dressed her, wasting not one, but two outfits. then I got poop on my shirt sleeve when I picked her up. So really three outfits got a little extra Shout sprayed on them.
Staring at ceiling fans. Shiny ceiling fans are better than non shiny ceiling fans. This is something we, as adults, miss in our busy lives, but not Harper, she appreciates all ceiling fans. A naked man could run past, but if there is a ceiling fan on the ceiling, she won't see him. They are even more mezmerizing when you turn the fan ON.
Watching me. She watches everything I do. She can't take her eyes off of me, unless....you guessed it.... there is a ceiling fan around, then I'm chopped liver.
Okay, I've decided to write in my journal tonight.
There, that should be enough for today. Yawn, I'm tired. But tommorow is music class at TCU, should make for an interesting entry....
Oh there was one thing...when I was in the car today, I wished I had super long stretchy arms so I could reach her pacifier and put it back in her mouth. I even said it outloud,"God, please give me long stretchy arms so I can get that paci for Harper"
Apparently not in His will for me. It was worth a shot, she was really "exploring her voice". I just turned up Gwen Stefani.
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I don't have to worry about how much almost 7 month old Harper's eating. I woke up this morning with majorly full boobs, you know, the ones that feel like there have hard knots and pins inside of them. When I touched the sides, they hurt.
Anyway, Harper woke up at 7:15, not 7am like she usually does, and she was pretty yappy. I changed her totally full pee pee diaper, and she fussed the whole time, saying,"Buh Buh Buh Buh bbbbbuh" (Which I think is her attempt at "Boobie" but I can't be sure....
I got her squirmy ass latched on and she emptied the left one in 3 minutes. It didn't even feel like she was doing anything, and all of a sudden I felt my boob and it was soft. I let her go a little longer and then she was finished. She looked up at me and smiled. A little milk trickling from the corner of her precious mouth. "BA!"
I looked at the clock and only 5 minutes had passed.
So she has become extremely efficient. I wonder how long she's been doing that? It's just that I noticed it more this morning because they were sooooo full, and then they weren't.
It's now 9:30 and I nursed her on the right for 5 minutes and then she went down for her nap....Music class is at 11:15, so I will wake her perfect little self at 10:30 or so. She's already dressed.
She hasn't pooped in 3 days...I just KNOW she's gonna drop a Ben-sized one in her first music class, humiliating me in front of all the other moms... Better pack extra clothes,wipes, toxic waste recepticle...
Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 2:11 pm Post subject:
Music class was the BOMB! The BOMB I tell ya, the BOMB!
Harper was the youngest by 3 months, but damn if she didn't make up for it in VOLUME! Girlfriend never shut up. Everyone cracked up at her, which I of course loved. She thoroughly enjoyed it, and so did I.
There are two teachers, Miss Jennifer and Miss Janice. Miss Jennifer is really petite and has blonde hair and is really smiley. She has one of those super big smiles, and the kids love her.
Miss Janice is a total hippie who plays the guitar and looks like she takes 10 yoga or pilates classes a week, she's buff, long wavy gray hair in a ponytail. She had on a flowy skirt that went "out" when she spinned. Harper squealed at the skirt.
She also squealed at "quiet tone time"
and bouncing time...
and tamborine time...
and shake the plastic easter egg full of sand time....
We sang songs, we swayed like leaves on a tree...flowing....flowing..
We twinkle twinkled
Then, oh then, they passed out the instruments. Harper got the rattles and the Maracas. She put them right in her mouth. I shook them for her, and she liked that, but she wanted to taste them more than playing them....Jeez it's fun! I can't wait for next week.
But....there's always one. One mom who's snooty. Snooty Snooterton. Snobby Snoberton. Wearing her perfectly pressed linen dress, perfect skin, perfect bob, freshly pedicured toes without a callus or bunion in sight..
. When we got there, we all waited in the hall for the other class to let out, and I went and introduced myself to everyone, and most of the women were really receptive, and seemed glad I broke the ice...For those that know me personally, I'm not shy...not at all.
But Snooty wasn't into it. And little Snoot, her little perfect girl wasn't very friendly either. They were just really perfect. I'll bet Little Snoot never even spit up as a baby, unless it was on an embroidered Ralph Lauren perfectly pressed burp cloth...made of linen. And never on Snooty.
I had on some Khaki shorts and a black Mexican wedding shirt of Jeff's. The shorts had a stain on them from getting the stroller out of the trunk. One of the wheels jabbed me in the cooch, so it was right THERE, you know...THERE. A black smear on my beaver. AND my calluses have calluses, and my toenails are hangin on to a pedicure from 2 months ago. Pretty shleppy lookin.
I sat down on the floor by Snooty, thinking for sure she would warm up to me, and my charming and funny little girly squirrel who woldn't sit still or stop "talking".
And I did what most of us women do, I compared stuff. Like my feet. I was feeling pretty self concious about my feet. Hers were so perfect. Like she's never walked barefoot before. She must have pedicures once a week. How does she do it?
I also thought, how boring.
I then thought, why am I focusing on her?
I then focused on the lady on the other side of me. Her name is Deanna, and her little girl in named Nora, they were fun. Nora had boogers. Deanna wore comfy clothes. She laughed at Harper. She sang off key, but loudly and animated. Nora thought she was pretty great. We stayed after a sec because neither of us had parking passes, and we needed to get them. We walked out our cars together, and swapped stories about Nora and Harper's antics.
She drives a Passat too. Just like me. "VW drivers are all friendly" She said, "it's called Farfegnugen, remember the commercials from the 80's?".
I think next week I may ask her to meet for lunch after. I love making new friends.
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 11:12 pm Post subject:
In the style of Booka......
The poop came out. 3 days in the making. She did it at home, on the paper like a good baby. She's gotta be empty now. Ben's got stiff competition, Jackson's was an odd color, but this poo has volume.
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Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 11:42 pm Post subject:
So our friend Amy Jo came over tonight for dinner and to meet Harper. Harper was not friendly, she has gas or something.
When Amy Jo arrived, Harper was taking a late afternoon nap. We woke her up with all the "Hi!" "Hello!" "Oh My God You look great!" "Come one in!!!"
We went in to see her, and she looked at me and smiled, like she always does, and then she looked over at Amy Jo......
Lip thrust
Brow Furrow
Rims of eyes redden
mouth opens wide
silent for three seconds, and then....SHE LETS LOOOOOOSE!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Poor Amy Jo. Of course I went into the whole,"She's never like this, She's been fussy all day, she usually super fun and loves everyone..."
I put her in her Johnny Jumper..she usually loves it. WAAAAAAA. She just wanted me to hold her. I was trying to stir the hollandaise and make sure I didn't over cook the asparagus while trying to help Harper keep her shit together. She wouldn't let Jeff hold her either. It was me or no one. And Jeff can't cook asparagus.
Harper's fussy when she's gassy, or tired, or hungry. But if I didn't know better, I would have thought she hated Amy Jo. We took a picture of them after her bath, when I was about to go nurse her, and this was about as good as it got all night.
We are going to see her next week. If Harper's mean again I think Amy Jo might get a complex.
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 10:19 pm Post subject:
My friend Gabby's baby shower was today, and Harper and I drove all the way to Richardson to go to it.
Harper likes balloons. They had blue and silver shiny mylar balloons that said It's a Boy!. many many many balloons, the whole ceiling was covered. It was a great effect, especially if you are 7 months old and Harper.
Harper kept breaking her neck to look at dem balloons.
The strings from the balloons hung down to about 6 feet...like if you are 6 feet tall, they would be skimming your head.
I gave Harper a balloon, and she was happy, then she let go, and the balloon floated up to the ceiling.
Harper:"EEE EEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"(Translate:"my balloon is gone!")
Mommy:"Oh Harper I'm sorry, here's another balloon"
She squeals at the balloon, so happy to be holding her beloved balloon again...she lets it go, and again...it floats up to the ceiling.
Harper:"EEEEEAAAA Buh buh buh EEEEEE" (Translate:Gimme that dang balloon, Mommy Mommy!!!! MOMMY!!!!!!!!!)
Mommy:"Excuse me..yes Harper, what is it? Oh, you want the balloon? Okay, here you go"
She figures out that if she rubs her finger on the mylar balloon it makes a squeaky sound.."eek eek eek"...people are looking at me, like, "please make her stop that.."
...she lets it go again, I am thinking I wish I had double stick tape.
I tie the string to her wrist (in a bow, not a knot) She somehow unties it, and...you guessed it, it floats up to the ceiling. She starts to cry. I take her outside to distract her for a minute.
It's 103 degrees.
We go back in to the party/balloon house.
They had hummus and pita bread, fruit salad, punch, an antipasto tray..it all looks sooo good...oh and cake. Chocolate cake.
But I am Harper's balloon dispenser, so I didn't get any food.
I drove thru McDonalds on the way home. She took a balloon home with her. It's in her room. It looks like we had a boy. I hope it doesn't pop. EVER.
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Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 9:41 pm Post subject:
we went to the zoo today. Harper took a giant dump and when I picked her up out of her stroller, it got on my arm. I had to change her diaper on a bench out in the open, because the bathroom that was close was under construction. I would have had to go ALL THE WAY back to the entrance.
Thank God for wipes and bottled water.
We saw an Amish(or Menenite) family. One of the Amish(Menenite) kids climbed up on a rock and got in trouble with the bird habitat guard. Those crazy Amish(or Menenite) kids. They sure looked hot in their clothes. Temperature hot. Not sexy hot.
I hope I am not offending any Amish/Menenite people But, hey! You aren't supposed to be on the computer anyway!
Here are some birds...and check out those Amish(Menenite) kids! Get them some shorts!
Sorry for the loud buzz at the beginning of the video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3sTv8BNVGI
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Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 9:33 pm Post subject:
We had a pretty great day, except Mommy was reeeeeally tired and never did get a nap. I got all the laundry done though...shoulda taken a nap instead!
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 10:03 pm Post subject:
So I am officially a single mother again....Fucking football season again. Damn Damn Damn.
My husband is addicted to college ball.
I will survive somehow. The games always conflict with something. Some social occassion will suffer because he "has money on so and so", or "such and such team is playing whoosiewhats, what a matchup..it's gonna be a great game"
It wouldn't be so bad, but if he's not watching them on TV, he's looking at stats, he's online..stealing my precious EB time away.
He went to the TCU game tonight and I stayed home with Harper, we couldn't even go swimming, cause we had to wait for the new carpet to be delivered......wait...wait...I just got happy again...
Tommorow our pee pee catcher(AKA our 8 year old bur bur(berbur?)(Burber)(I like Bur Bur) carpet) is going bye bye, and making way for the new beautiful beautiful carpet. It's called Creme Brulee. I love Creme Brulee, so that's the one I picked.
I am horrified to see what it's like under there. The carpet pad has got to be ROTTEN. Must be black. We are living with major filth, I just know it, and they are gonna see. The carpet layers will see and they will think we are dirty. Dirty spore breathing people.
We have raised Misha(RIP) Aiko(6) and Suki(3) on that bur bur. We poured Nature's Miracle on the pee pee to get the smell out, but it doesn't vaporize the pee. It's still there. Festering..ew.
Now I don't have to put down a play mat for Harper to play on I can just let her play on the carpet. She can lick the damn stuff if she wants to. She won't get pee pee remnants in her precious little mouth.
The other day, I was nursing her and I noticed she had a dog hair on her chin. No telling how much dog hair she's eaten. Yuck. If you drop something, say, a string cheese on the carpet and pick it back up(I believe in the 5 second rule) you have to pick off 50 dog hairs before eating it. Why waste a piece of string cheese? Okay, I probably shouldn't have shared that.....
So back to the football thing. I am not one of those women who pretends to like sports so boys will like me. I give great BJ's and am pretty fun to be around, and easy on the eyes, I don't have to suck it up and pretend to like football. Jeff will occasionally ask me to go to a game with him, and I go, but all I do is people watch. I love me some people watching.
That should be a spectator sport. "People watching". I'd pay money to see that.
You walk in to an Arena, and on the field, people are walking around and there is a jumbotron zooming in, and commentators comment on the people, "she is dressed too skimpy for her age""Bolo tie? Why is he wearing a bolo tie?""She's pretty, I love her hair" "IS that a Fendi bag?""I think it's from Canal street but I can't be sure"..."Is that Ivana Trump? She sure looks like her" "Is that a man?"
But not football.
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Harper4 1/2 and Spencer 1 1/2
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amycuster
Joined: 03 Oct 2006
Posts: 8811
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 10:18 pm Post subject:
Well the carpet rocks. I did a before/after video and dammit if I didn't push pause while filming the "after". Now we have put back all the furniture and you can't see it very well.
I put Harper down and rolled her all over the place before we moved the furiture back in. She did what I thought she would, she licked it. She didn't cry, it must taste as fabulous as it looks, I wouldn't know.
What a luxury to be able to lay your baby on the floor and let her move around without feeling like you have to lint roll her body afterwards.
The dogs don't like the new smell. They haven't come in here yet.
My friend Amber called and said her dog Ezra peed all over and marked his territory when they got new carpet. "I'm just saying" she said.
I will accidentally leave the f-ing gate open and let Ailko and Suki find other accomadations if that happens. The pound has generic food and no pig's ears, so they better mind their pees and q's and leave the shit outside.
I keep looking over my shoulder and squishing my toes in the pile. It's really plush, medium deep pile, and it's so super clean. I have vacuumed it a few times and it leaves those indentations in the pile.
I love that.
I keep going outside for a while and coming back in to smell the new carpet smell. aaaaaaah. It feels like a new house.
The TV was unplugged all day and so was the computer, but the puter was the first thing we(I) plugged back in.
No sports for Jeff today. Boo Hoo, right? He is watching the sucky Texas Rangers right now, they won...barely, "Darn they suck" I just heard from the couch.
Okay, now here's the real scoop:
This afternoon we were playing in the living room on the new carpet, and I put Harper's hands on the edge of the loveseat. Her feet were on the floor. Harper likes to stand, I always hold her and she feels like she's stable but if I let go she leans and then falls on her booty......
I let go of her, her hands were on the loveseat, and she stayed there. I let go for a good 10-15 seconds. The kid was standing. My baby was standing. She was propped up, but I would totally consider what she was doing to be standing on her feet.
I told Jeff to look,"Whoa! She's standing!" "She looks so funny! She's so small, but she's standing up"
She still can't roll from her back to her front without a little help, but she's probably not interested in that. She wants to "go go go Harper wants to go."( I sing that to her when her legs go. "keek keek keek")Damn she's so freakin' awesome.
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Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 10:18 am Post subject:
I can't really think about much else, I have been thread stalking waiting to hear about Jenn's babies. I hope they are all doing okay. I wish we all knew something ...very worried.
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 10:52 pm
Prunes are good. I like prunes.
So I have bought the stage 2 food for Harper cause my neighbor is feeding her baby stage 2 and Harper won't be upstaged. Prunes and oatmeal. She loves 'em...grabbed the spoon from me GOOD! That stage 1 stuff just was too blah for her I guess. She has decided she's all big and stuff and wants a more grown up baby food. 7 months going on 16, next she's gonna wanna drive and stuff. Too big for her britches, that one.
Next is the pasta stars and green beans. The Thanksgiving dinners in a jar. The beef stew...as if? Are they serious with some of the selections out there? The green bean casseroles, the chicken ala kings. Just call it what it really is:
Pureed meat substance with green globs in it.
Pre chewed Thanksgiving dinner.
Harper doesn't read, and she doesn't know what Thanksgiving is, or what foods are associated with that holiday. You might as well offer her some Arbor Day spinach or some Lincoln's birthday deviled ham.
Also, Harper has discover something that blows ceiling fans away in the entertainment field.....drumroll.....shaky shaky.....tinkle tinkle....YUP! KEYS!!
Oh my GOD! What are those you have there? That sound...that shininess...can.... I .....eat them PLEASE?
Today, she had many keys in her little mouth:
Pam's Keys(she said,"I haven't cleaned those lately, those are filthy...who cleans keys?)
Halie's keys(A BMW key, the flip kind, no metal)
Jeff's keys (special lovely keys, many many many keys),
My keys,(also the flip kind VW and my house key, only two keys)
Courtney's keys (questonable, she had probably dropped them in some UNSAVORY bars)
And then Jennifer's keys: when I handed them back to her, she looked at them and then me, and asked for a tissue or paper towel or something..
(Musical interlude)
Keys Keys, I love Keys
Shiny, sparkly, can I eat them please?
I would get right down on both my little knees
If I could have a great big set of keys.
and a never ending silver shiny ceiling fan, like the one at Chipotle.
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 9:14 pm Post subject:
Had a meltdown. It was bound to happen.
Harper has been teething, and not sleeping at night. Well, she sleeps, but in 2 hour increments. She wakes up and is pretty inconsolable for what seems to be a reeeeeally long time,and then she goes back to sleep. No boobie. Doesn't want it. Just wants to be rocked, held, sung to...by me and not Jeff.
She's been like this for about 5 days straight.
She was like this in Austin, and we are running ragged during the day, so no big nap for anyone. Cranky, fussy baby, Mommy burning the candle at both ends...tired.
And when I am tired, cleanliness gets to be VERY important to me. Even more so than when I'm not tired. I feel like if all the laundry is done, everything is put away, the dishes, etc...I will be able to relax. It's never done, and hence, no nap. Stupid.
I also prefer to be alone when I am tired. I want to be left alone, I don't want anyone to ask me anything, to see if they can help me...etc. "I vant to be left alone"(as Greta Garbo said)
Well, the meltdown occured as we were preparing to leave our ranch in Austin.
See, we went down there for Texas/TCU with our friends Brad and Kym and their baby, Maggie(3 months).
It was a great weekend aside from the not sleeping part. Great weather, the boys went to the game, and watched more football on TV at the ranch while Kym and I played with the babies and went walking around and stuff. It is a beautiful place. Everyone was doing what they wanted. Perfect, right?
As we were getting ready to leave, the three of them decided to take a walk down by the Big Tree(where Jeff and I were married) I opted to stay behind and make up the beds with fresh linens, and get things packed up and ready to go. I also needed to be alone.
When they got back they started asking me about what to take home from the fridge. Who wants the milk, who wants the tortillas, this cheese will go bad...all fine questions that on a normal day wouldn't make me boil, but I was boiling.
"I don't fucking care, allright!! Ask Jeff what he wants to take! Leave me alone, and hurry up, I am ready to get the fuck out of here! RRRRRRRRRRRARAR!!!" and I threw a bag of ice on the kitchen floor. HARD.
Whoa. Where did THAT come from?
My friend Kym came over to me and said,"Amy, I know you're tired, but you are making me really uncomfortable right now"
Oh yeah, that helped. Because it was the TRUTH. Dontcha hate the truth when you are mad? I just wanted to be left alone and I wanted to go HOME.
And they just wanted to leave too, and wanted to make sure we didn't leave any food that would spoil, and didn't want to waste anything. They were just asking questions, and I spit obscenities at them. Not cool.
Not the Amy I like to be. I don't like losing my temper. When I lose my temper like that, guilt and remorse inevitably follow, and I am miserable.
The ride home was brutal. I cried most of the way, telling Jeff how sorry I was, how embarassed I was for acting that way, saying that they are never going to want to hang out with us anymore, they must think I am a psycho...you know, swimming in the guilt, my fingers and toes were pruney from swimming in it for so long.
But I finally got some rest today, and spoke to someone I respect about what happened, and she shared that she had done the same thing before, and that she is still friends with the people she freaked out on, better friends in fact.
She said for me to wait a few days, get some rest, and ask God to show me the right thing to say, and then when the right words are there, I should call Kym and speak to her.
I wish I could be perfect all the time, but I am not. I am flawed. I blow my beyond thunderdome stack when I am sleep deprived.
But luckily, I didn't do any of this in front of my daughter, but I am sure someday I will. Because I am human
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 10:45 pm Post subject:
Kym called me today to see if Jeff, Harper, and I wanted to go to Central Market with them to see Brave Combo play. I couldn't, I had plans, but I was super stoked she called.
It was like nothing happened.
Amazing how I can get something in my head, and, like magic, it's HUGE and will never be forgotten, and we won't be friends because of it, and you will hate me, and it will always be weird....but in reality, it wasn't that big if a deal.
Seems that everyone has these outbursts.
Guess what my plans were? It was to meet a group of women I meet every Thursday, and Britany is one of those women. We were the only two that showed up! We went to El Fenix(the best yummy yummy mexican food) and had dinner, it was so great to be with her, she is so much fun to talk to, and hang with. We talked about tons of stuff...no I'm not telling. But it was great to see her!
Today I got a taste of my own medicine from Jeff.
I like to tell Jeff to do something and when he's doing it, he's "doing it wrong"...he should do it "my way"
"Harper likes it when I______"
or "you should really____it works better that way"
...or better yet, "DON'T DO THAT!! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?" Nag Nag Nag.
It was 4 o'clock and JEff got home from work and played with Harper for 5 minutes and said,"I really need to mow the lawn"
I said,"Why don't I mow the lawn, and you spend some time with Harper!"
He said,"Okay, but just do the back"
I said,"Okay"
I secretly think he only wants me to do the back so if anyone we know drives by he will look like the ever dutiful husband, mowing the lawn while his wife and daughter luxuriate in air conditioned comfort, surely eating bon bons and sipping lemonade...
....so I put on my iPod and my new hat(Puma, great lawnmowing hat) and went out to start the mower.
I get halfway finished, and the song,"AAXXX" by Peaches is on, I am rocking out, strutting to the beat of the song while pushing the mower...I can feel eyes on me......
A man with a baby is staring at me. Watching my lines, pointing to a strip I inadvertently missed, the baby is smiling at me.
My solitude is interupted. I am pulled from the music video I imagined myself in and shut the mower off.
"You're doing it wrong" echoed in my ears as I headed to the house, hanging my head in shame.
I went inside to hit the showers, but before I did, I took off my sneakers. I had stepped in MAJOR dogshit.
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2007 10:03 am Post subject:
Pobody's Nerfect.
Well, the other shoe has dropped.
Lately, Harper has been extremely clingy, whiny, crying, and obviously frustrated and in a lot of pain from teething.
Feeding her is a mess, she is spitting everything all over me, the floor, herself(I need a full body bib for her, and the house for that matter)
She hides food in her cheeks, and later, when I take the bib off, she rasberries all over. When she sees me scramble to clean it up the little booger giggles.
We let her CIO for 20 minutes last night while my dad was over. She finally went to sleep! We played Trivial Pursuit and Daddy brought Chinese food over, it was fun. I kept saying, "did you hear that? was that her? should I go?"
My dad is the bomb, everyone should have one of him. He was not judgemental, but said,"Don't go in there" "Let her learn to go to sleep on her own""It's okay, she's okay.."
"You did the same thing" isn't that what we all need to hear? I want to think that I did the same things Harper does, and I want to know how they dealt with it. I really do! Somehow that is so comforting.
She slept through the night and woke up at 7am, really happy, and then not. She is napping now, it's 9:45, I should really be in the shower.
Yesterday we went to the Zoo with my SIL and her baby, Bella.
Harper loves the zoo, she's happy being outside, and also loves to be on the move in her stroller facing out, not facing me.
She loves to look at the world, and loves the little birds. I was watching video of her from last month when we went to the zoo, and yesterday was so different. She is soooo observant, and really seems to react to things so much more. She smiles at stuff, she has the greatest smile, I love it!
I know I'm not doing it all right, but lately, I have had a breakthrough. I know that I won't do it perfectly. I know that I am not really in control of this, no matter how much I try. She is a human, and now she has a personality, and is developing a sense of what she wants and doesn't want.
I think I have gotten to that point where it's not just about comforting her, and loving on her, it's about boundaries.
My desire is to pick her up and nurse her and rock her everytime she cries, but that is no longer the best thing to do for her in every situation.
I need to let Harper develop strength. Independence, just a little. I feel physical pain when she cries, and picking her up and making her stop seems the right thing to do, but maybe a little time to learn how to stop crying is in order.
I read about Julie's CIO with Livvie, and I want to be able to do that. Isn't it weird how priorities change?
Things I didn't even know about last year are so important to me now.
Harper is so amazingly beautiful, I am crying at how fast this is going.
I think this may be the week when she crawls. She is sitting up, and if I put a toy juuuuuust out of her reach she will reach out for it, and she looks like she's gonna push off, but she somehow grabs it and sits back up. Abs of steel.
She sits next to her bouncy chair and watches Baby Einstein. She sometimes uses it for support, but yesterday afternoon she sat there with her hands on the floor in front of her with her gorgeous neck stretched outward and her chin turned up watching TV.
I took a picture of her, I will post it in a while. I really gotta take a shower. My leg hair is itchy.
By the way. She poops turds now. Easy to clean. But I don't know they are there until I smell them. I have to remember to check her diaper more often now.
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2007 11:01 pm Post subject:
What is Parsky Boom Boom?
Actually, it's a "WHO is Parsky Boom Boom?"
Harper is Parsky Boom Boom. My friend Robin's little boy Maximillian and I were swimming one day when I first found out I was pregnant.
I think I was around 3 months.
Maximillian asked me if I was going to have a baby.
I told him "yes I am."
He asked me what I would be naming the baby.
I said, "I don't know, maybe you could help me with that."
"'Parsky Boom Boom' that's good for a boy OR a girl. It's a good name."
Keep in mind, I am "Spoony Noni" and I have been since he was 3.
That pillow in Harper's room was made by Robin, and it is one of the best gifts I have recieved. Maximillian started Kindergarten this year, and his teacher's name is apparently "Miss Slooper Bobby".
A likely story.
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 4:53 pm Post subject:
I am so excited about Little Rock I may spontaneously burst into flames.
In other news, my neighbor Patti got robbed at the grocery store while loading her groceries into the car.
We live in a nice neighborhood, very safe. I guess criminals think they can get better stuff if they purse snatch in the nicer neighborhoods.
I went over to tell her how sorry I am, and that is she wants me to go shopping with her I will.
I am so nervous now, What if when I am loading my stuff in the car some hooligan(grandma word) comes and acosts me while Harper is with me!
One of my biggest fears is someone trying to hijack my car with Harper in it. I have to be on guard big time, making sure I don't ever take a hand off her while loading up the car.
I have a system from which I never deviate. Here it is:
I unload the groceries into my trunk with one hand on the cart at all times. Then I take the cart back with Harper in it. Then I carry her back to the car in her carseat.
I am afraid to walk 10 feet away from her for fear that while I am taking the cart back someone will jump in and drive off.
But what if I have the keys?
They can hotwire the car and take off with her.
Jeff thinks I am crazy which makes me want to never let HIM take her to the store. I mean, if he thinks I am crazy, then he must not think of shit like that.
Sometime I glare around the parking lot looking tough, like,"Don't fuck with me Hooligans!(granny word alert)" Like mama bear and her cub.
I can't watch the news. I can't. Too much bad stuff going on. People leaving babies in cars, people carjacking someone and the baby is in the backseat...gives me pins and needles on my inner upper arms.
Most of the bad stuff on the news is in Dallas, not in Fort Worth which is why I live here.
Until now!! Patti is soooo nice,and they took her drivers license and credit cards and pictures of Maddie(her grandbaby) all of which was in her wallet. She ws really shaken up.
She said,"They seemed all hopped up on drugs"(which kinda made me giggle. I mean, who says "hopped up" anymore)
"Hopped up Hooligans!"
Can't you picture some granny on her porch in her rocker shaking her cane at a car that's driving too fast down her street?
"Slow down you Hopped up Hooligans!!"
That'll be me someday.
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