Another Epic Spencer day

Cute little booger
Things that used to be frustrating and maddening, are now fodder for my blog. Nice.

Deep breath in.....long cleansing breath out... fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Spencer wakes up. I am in the shower so Jeff puts him in our bed with a bottle(after we discussed last night, that since he's 2 now, morning bottles aren't necessary, and are keep him from eating his breakfast)

Jeff gets on the computer.

A few minutes later, I get out of the shower, and smell the pungent stench of death. Yes. Poop. Doo Doo. BLOWOUT. In our marital bed. Hey, At least it's on his side.

Throw sheets in wash(while nude, boobies flopping, wet out of the shower, and I am yelling at Jeff to help, but he is somehow deaf now)( I realize now he is outside and feeding Suki, so I decide not to kill him)

Get Spency cleaned up and myself dressed, and hair dried. Get Spency changed into clothes for the day.

Start breakfast : Eggs, English Muffins with cream cheese and jam, and some strawberries.

Realize I fucking loaded the dishwasher, but forgot to run it. Damn. Leave the dishes in the sink(I hate that, can easily ruin my day)<-----I know I know.

Harper gets up now. I have breakfast in the table and Cran Apple in her favorite glass, and Spency is eating eggs with his hands despite the fork he has and the knowledge of how to use it. I go to make my juice: Fennel, Celery Root, Beet, Lemon, Green apple.

Harper needs a fork.
Spencer drops his juice
Harper doesn't like the English muffin so wants cereal instead
I ignore her request and go get her clothes ready.( she's in her pajamas)
Jeff is in the shower now.

Fast forward to getting them to the car.

Harper is picking those yellow flower looking weeds for me on the way to the car and trying to hand them to me, but I am holding Spencer's basket, my purse, my water, Harper's backpack, so I ask her to hold on to them until we get to the car.

We get in the car, and brrrrrrrap. Poop again. Damn he has terrific timing. I decide he will wear that until we get Harper to St Stephens and change him there. It's only 6 minutes away, don't call CPS.

So we drop Harper, Change the dookie diaper, and go get some plants for the front of the Cleaners.

Lowes is a fun place for a 2 year old boy, but I really wanted to get in and out. Damn those fucking John Deere ride on mowers out front. All lined up, with their sippy cup holders. Spencer gets on, and I thought at one point, "I could seriously go in, get what I need, leave him here to climb on the "trucks" and come out and get him, and he'd never even know I was gone"

Don't worry I didn't. But I thought about it. Contemplating brief abandonment in a parking lot, I was.

So I pried him from the John Deers and his happiness, and we went inside, screaming and crying like I kicked his puppy. I put him in the seat part of the cart, and the plants went in the basket. I found a really cute hanging plant of these grape like succulents, and hung it from the side, I also got a bag of potting soil, because Jeff didn't think he had enough for these large new pots.

When I get up to the checker, this man comes up to me and says, "Are these yours?" My credit cards, Zoo Pass, Museum Pass, Driver's license, Lowe's card, Debit card had all been left in a trail, much like the one in Hansel and Gretel, from the succulent section to the front register. "Thank You so much sir! SPENCER, you rascal!" He was still holding my wallet which he had stealthily removed from my wallet, sneaky little booger.

He fell asleep in the car while I planted the pots, and woke up just as I was finishing. Yes I left him in the car, we were right there, I was right in front of my car, which had the windows open. Ga! Another opportunity for you to call CPS on me. You bitches.

So I didn't have to pick up Harper until 2:30, so we went to the Gap. I needed a few shirts, and Spencer's jeans are way dorked out and flooding. He seemed to be acting alright, just perusing the finery, checking himself out dancing to Human League in the big mirror, trying on platform sandals. Nothing major.

I get what I need and went to pay, and "BOOM CRASH SMASH." I walked over there and he is quietly, and with great focus, putting on a pair of shoes off the mannequin who is lying headless, neck down with an arm detached a neon pink cardigan sleeve holding the detached. Luckily the sales people where cool ,and said, "You killed her! and took her SHOES"

Spencer simply said "Like Shoes"